Our Chapters Don't Match Up And Thats Okay

I went into studying abroad knowing I would be homesick. As a little girl, I would get homesick at sleepovers to the point where I would get so worked up and would need to go home early. So being overseas in a different country for four months posed a challenge for me. Knowing this would be a season in my life, and not a permanent change helped me prepare my heart. I went into the challenge knowing I would feel sad, empty, and homesick at points. But not covering this up or denying it was much better and healthier for me. When I'm homesick, I fully embrace it. I cry, I listen to music that reminds me of my family, I look at pictures and videos. I fully feel these emotions. I grieve their presence, and then I remind myself "this is just a season."

Just because I miss my friends and family back home does not mean I hate it here. In fact I LOVE it here. So much. I just know that I could not live here full time. This is a chapter in my book, but not the bookshelf. My bookshelf is my support system back home made up of my family and friends. And no amount of beautiful buildings, vast ocean landscapes, bustling markets with new tastes and smells, and towering castles could ever take their place.

You will find who makes time to stay in contact with you and who won't. And that is okay. You are experiencing new things and so are they. Even if you don't talk every day to people back home, true friends and family will pick up with you right where you left off.

Being engaged has been such a difficult and beautiful thing while I've been abroad. Traveling across a Europe is the last big decision that I will make before I am married. After that, we will make these kinds of decisions together. No, I did not leave to show I'm independent. I just knew that I needed to study abroad and would regret it if I didn't. Lucas was supportive, even though he knew it would be difficult for both of us. We prayed a lot, I cried a lot, we agreed not to bring it up until necessary. The hardest thing I've done was leaving him at the airport knowing how much hurt we would both endure the next four months. In fact it makes me feel guilty knowing what I put us through. We've made the transition from high school to college together, he's trnaisitoned from DMACC to ISU. From prom to scholarship awards and work picnics. Choir concerts to induction ceremonies. It felt so wrong to make this big step without him. Being in a relationship, or engaged, is no easy task when abroad. Yes, it is worth it X11,00,000,000 but is not for the faint of heart. When your friends go out at night and meet boys and go on dates, you are alone in your room watching Netflix or if you're lucky, facetiming your man. When something goes wrong and all you need is a hug, the best you can get is a phone call to help calm you down. When you see a beautiful sight and turn to your right to talk to him about it, he's not there. The different time zone thing definitely is something to get used to. You will get made fun of, tested, mocked, questioned, asked if you're crazy, and told you're dumb. But don't let these hurtful words mar your spirit.

When you miss your friends and family and possible significant other don't let it affect your experience. I adore the friends I've made while at Uni. They help me keep my head up, attend social events and cultural excursions with me, and give me a sense of family. Finding friends while studying abroad can be awkward at first but I can't imagine my experience here in Exeter without them. So instead of wallowing in self pity about how much you miss everyone back home, go sit in the common room with your friends who are probably just as homesick as you are. Compare embarrassing high school stories, swap cultural differences, talk about American politics, whatever it is that you do just put yourself out there! You can mope around when you get back to the United States!

Have you taken the love language test? If not, I highly recommend it! It lets your friends and family know how you receive love in what forms. My highest are physical touch and quality time. These are both basically impossible while I am 5,000 miles away for four months. Yet I still feel so loved, so cared for, so pursued. I realized how lacking I am in the physical touch meter when I was getting patted down by TSA at the Amsterdam airport last week. I wanted to hug the woman after she had checked me for bombs because I craved human touch so badly after I realized it was the most physical touch I have received in months! I am a cuddler. I cuddle with my dog, my mom, my sister, my fiancé. Even after dating for over three years, you will always find Lucas and I holding hands or cuddling. It's just who we are. Even with my love cup being so low, doing long distance has been so incredibly worth it. It keeps me focused. I'm not getting sidetracked by trying to find a European boyfriend while here. Instead I'm trying to soak in experiences to share with him later. My parents have insurance that I will come home and not marry a European and never return because my future husband is back in Iowa. I have motivation to stay true to myself. I am striving every day to be a better spouse for my future husband. So ridicule me, make fun of me for wanting to "settle down young and throw my life away" all you want. I am excited to come home to Iowa to loving arms and listening ears to share my experiences with.

Everyone is different! But I am extremely happy with my decision so instead of giving me your opinion, a simple "congratulations" would make things a lot easier. I care too much about others opinions of me. But I realized, he proposed to me not others opinions. I am excited and happy that I found my person so early in life. We all have different stories and paths, and it's okay if our chapters don't look the same or match up!

I've struggled a lot because I definitely don't fit in. Im not the "normal" twenty year old girl. And I have come to terms with that, I am okay with that because I am happy. At the end of the day I am at peace with where I am and how God has been working in my life. So before we make fun of those who haven't found their person yet, or make fun of those who found their person at a young age, can we just accept each other and talk about things other than politics and our opinions on love lives?

Let's talk about the most beautiful sunrise you've ever seen, a song that can change your mood instantly, a recipe that you would serve to impress someone. I'm going to go off on a slight tangent. Being abroad during an American election is an experience! Anyone who hears your accent will give you their opinion of who you should vote for and ask if that is your choice as well. It's intimidating and honestly annoying. No one ever wants to get to know you. They just want to talk about the election. It's humbling though, other countries are so in tune to America. Why aren't we as caring and passionate for other countries?

In summary, I have learned that it is okay to have opinions. While studying abroad you will have to stick up yourself and your beliefs many times. It may feel unnerving and uncomfortable at first, but eventually you will be proud to show your stripes. Whether it is your religion, your relationship back home, political views, food preferences, music taste, how you like to spend your free time, etc. Not everyone will agree with you like they do back home. And that is okay. No one has to be "right" and no one has to be "wrong." You just have to learn how to cohabitate together and discuss. It is okay to stand up for your opinions, but there is a correct way to do this to show respect.

Xoxo,

Leah Joy