Us too

In light of the "Me too" movement, I have been on the fence about sharing and not sharing. This topic has been on my mind for a very very long time, and I have a lot of passion surrounding it, thus I would like to shed some light on it.

I entitled this "Us too" as none of us are alone, and we are in this together. Instead of just lamenting over the fact that there is evil in this world, I want us to find some solutions.

The past couple of weeks have felt so dark, maybe it's from the posts on social media of all of the friends who are publicly stating that they, too have felt harassed, abused, assaulted, manipulated. I land with them, but this is not something that I have liked to be open and confront. In fact, I'm not even sure if I qualify for posting "me too" on my timeline as my instances seem dwarfed in comparison to others. This thought though, is the reason I am writing and speaking about this. So that hopefully I can help others who have had any inkling or experience.

I do want to say, though, that men are not the enemy. Not all men are harmful, their gender does not equate with sinful or evil actions. Making those generalizations is just not fair or accurate. What I have been struggling with is what is the stem of this? And how can we put an end to it?

Could this increase be because of violence in tv shows and increased sexual content?

Hit tv shows and movies seem to have certain things in common: blood, guts, and romance. Could these be creating a false reality leading to these actions?

My mother always said "Garbage in, garbage out" and I see what she means now.

A selfish society where others only wonder" what's in it for me" and not "what ripple effect will my actions cause?"

I hate being stereotyped as a millenial, but one fact has been shown time and time again: the millenial and next generation is as selfish as ever. We want what we want, and we want it now! Many people will go to many lengths to achieve this before calculating the cost.

Always trust your gut. Always.

While abroad, I had many different scary situations. I walked away unscathed (for the most part, just mentally scarred). Situations where in Greece a waitress dropped off a receipt to me that had written on it "stop looking at your phone, I'm right here in front of you" that was written by a man somewhere in the room. Another time, a middle aged man grabbed my wrists and tried to dance with me, even after I yelled at him to stop. I left the scene, and he followed me for over an hour. Instead of just leaving me alone when I said I wasn't interested and that I was engaged, they would get angry. Which was very frightening. This caused me to never want to go out in public or leave, as I was always nervous that this would happen in environments that I could not control. It made me feel like I needed to be less confident, hide myself, and not ever draw attention to myself so that I could be safe. My fiance was so very supportive, even from all the way across the ocean. He always trusts me, but the problem is that you can't control others actions or responses.

This is why it is so discouraging, what can we even do? It makes me feel so small and powerless.

I can't tell you how many friends I know that feel scared to go to the gym because of men that watch them or make comments, women who are scared to walk to their car in the parking lot when it is dark. It is suffocating that we need to even think twice about these things. These are all modest, God-fearing women. They aren't "asking for it" (which by the way, is the worst possible thing you could ever say about someone who has been assaulted).

I got so frustrated and angry that I spent a whole month locked up in my room in England. When I did go out, I wore scarves, loose fitting clothing, turtle necks, no make up. I thought that it was my own fault that these things happened, and that I just needed to make myself unnoticeable. I felt myself become less extroverted and more introverted due to the anxiety that was caused.

Don't be afraid to be hurt someones feelings.

I was raised on Iowa nice. Some situations, though, you need to ditch the niceness and be firm and upfront. If someone is making you uncomfortable, tell them that it's not okay. I was always taught to be polite, so this has always been hard for me, but it is so important to be able to stick up for yourself!!!!!! This is hard to do if you're nervous about hurting someones feelings.

Never walk alone.

If something doesn't feel right, it's not. No matter how little or insignificant.

You never have to do anything you don't want to/don't feel comfortable with.

Be aware of your surroundings.

Tell other people if something happens. This is two fold: so you can get help, and so that it isn't bottled up inside of you festering.

My personal experiences have been a mix of supposed people that were close to me and were raised in very good homes and were supposed to be there for me. Others were strangers halfway across the world and others who were supposed to be my team who I trusted. This issue is not tied down to a certain demographic, region, race, personality. That's what makes it so devastating. We shouldn't get hell-bent on what exact act was done, how you were violated, how many times, who it was. My story is not nearly as heartbreaking as others, I question if I was even violated. But it still effects me, I didn't feel right about it, it felt like "maybe it was my own fault." Well, that's what the devil wants us to think, that it is all our own fault. And it's truly not.

Do not live in fear.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Now the million dollar question: "Where do we go from here? What do we do about it?"

Support each other. Give hugs, sit in the quiet if that's what a friend needs, or listen to their story if that's what they need. Send each other scripture and uplifting words instead of the most recent terrible news story. Search for the light, not the dark.