Preparing For Marriage By Traveling

While searching through Facebook, I came across an article written by Style Me Pretty. Something struck me about the article, "A Single Girl's Pre-Marriage Checklist." (http://www.stylemepretty.com/collection/5700/picture/1204621/) I completed all of these while not even trying during my time in Europe. That's the best part about it, they just happened. I didn't pre-orchestrate it, or force anything.

1.Fall in love with yourself

When you are sweaty, have been wearing the same clothes for an embarrassing amount of time, and you are hungry, do you still love yourself? When everything that is stripped way from you... your job, your hobbies, your best friends, your financial security... do you still love yourself? Do you still love yourself after making countless mistakes like missing a flight? Traveling taught me to be happy with minimal things and to find beauty in every day moments. It is not about what you accomplish that you should love yourself for, or the contents in your closet, or your social circle. No, it is much more than that. When you get up in the morning, do you thank God for making you who you are, or do you look in the mirror and pray for him to change something about you?

Side note: I also learned that it's okay to be selfish and do what you need to do. I was under the weather and was sick basically the whole time I was there (except for one glorious week when I was traveling the Netherlands.) Never feel bad if you need a day to yourself. Europe will always be there, you need to take time for yourself. Yes, I could have traveled to a different country every weekend, but I knew that my health came first and I physically was not up to it.

2. Find your friendship soulmates

Traveling can put a strain on relationships. While I was away, I truly found out which friends were willing to keep up with me and reach out to me. Which friends made plans to see me when I returned. It's amazing how leaving and not being a text or phone call away to meet up for coffee can change relationships. My childhood best friend and I have just endured a full year of long distance (she studied abroad in the spring, I did this fall.) Yes things changed, there were less late nights of baking and giggling, but there were more texts on what each other was experiencing and feeling since we were so far away from each other. Instead of saying "I can't wait until you are finally back home" she said "I cannot wait for what you are about to experience it will be so amazing!" Friends that travel know exactly what to say. Friends that grieve know what to say when you are grieving. Friends that don't see you everyday but still want to see you. Those are the friends I love. Friends that aren't just friends due to convenience of location. Friends that live halfway across the world but you still care about what is going on in their life. That is what I learned through the many months of living away from home. I will forever cherish the friendships I gained while in Europe and the friendships that remained back on US soil when I returned.

3. Live on your own

In England I lived completely on my own. And I mean completely. No roommates, no one down the hall to hang out with. I lived in a flat in a complex that was occupied by tenants 50 and older. I often times walked down the street to the student apartments where all of my friends were. Yet in the quiet, cold nights when I was all alone, I learned what I need to do to be okay with myself. When there is nothing distracting me, no noise, I was stuck with myself and my own thoughts. I even noticed I paced more and talked to myself. And I had to be okay with myself, which was a very weird feeling. I couldn't drown out myself with the chaos of others. I became an introvert and loved lighting some candles, making a cup of tea, and watching Netflix or coloring in my adult coloring book. It was a simple time, and it made me appreciate home cooked meals and someone to share them with even more.

4. Travel to a foreign country by yourself

I traveled to Wales, Scotland, France, the Netherlands, England, Canada, and the United States by myself at different points in time. Traveling by yourself teaches you how to problem solve, manage time, and put yourself out there. I learned how to ask for help a lot more, and how to be okay when I literally had no idea where I was.

5. Fall in and out of love

I fell in love so many times. No, not with men. I was, and still am, constantly in love with my betrothed. No, I fell in love with the people and cultures everywhere I went. How the English always leave time for an afternoon tea, how Icelandic folk are always up for telling you their favorite scenic spot, how the Dutch bike everywhere. I fell in love with the friends I met. I had to fall out of love, though, towards the end. When I knew the end was near. Since I am a highly sensitive person, I needed to fall out of love so that I did not feel as though I was being ripped from my new life. I needed to fall back in love with my hometown and the comforts of home I had gone without for so long. Culture shock was much more difficult on the way home, for now I knew what I had experienced and what I was all leaving behind, instead of what was stretched out before me upon arrival. Coming back to the ordinary, I am falling in love with my old life in a way that is different than before.

6. But remember, you are enough

You are not defined by your appearance, significant other, amount of income, family status, social circle. No, at the end of the day, when it is just you, you are enough. Doing things on my own gave me the confidence I needed to know that I can, in fact, make it on my own. My success is not tied to other factors, except for my relationship with my Creator. When you meet people and they have no background knowledge on you (which seems impossible coming from a small town), how will they perceive you and what will you tell them about yourself?

7. Find a career you're passionate about

While I might not have my whole profession mapped out and am still in college, I found new aspects of a job that I am passionate about. I became a blogger through the whole experience, and was also recruited by a SIM card company to sell mobile plans/sim cards for travelers who are going to different countries. I also have a new passion for customer service and tourism, since those were a very integral part of my time in Europe.

8. Work towards your financial independence

While I most certainly was not making money while in Europe, as I was actually spending money, I learned how to track my spending and to budget. Before, I was just a saver and would rarely spend money on myself. I had to learn to spend money when it was needed... like for a plane ticket to visit a friend, or to buy myself a nice coat when it got cold. I had to learn how to spend my money wisely, and how to track it without getting anxiety when I saw the balance getting smaller and smaller.

9. Face your biggest fears

Traveling by myself, missing a flight, being alone and lost in some of the biggest cities in Europe, climbing a mountain and staring over the edge, eating meat where the source is unknown, becoming vulnerable with new friends. I faced my biggest fears, and now I can say that I truly feel I can do anything. God gave me the strength to conquer my biggest fears, so what do I have to lose when facing new fears and struggles?

No I didn't "find myself", I lost myself in the beauty of new cultures. And I learned so many things about myself. In the midst of wedding planning, I urge you to not be afraid of being alone, pushing yourself, trying something new. Marriage is not a prison sentence, in fact it is something so beautiful and amazing. It is good, though, to enter into a marriage with a sense of purpose and identity.

You don't need to be entering in a marriage to gain anything from this list, either. In fact it is perfect for anyone who is entering a major stepping stone in life that will change their every day lifestyle. Whether it is moving, finishing college, accepting a new job, etc. What a great thing to strive for in this year, to love ourselves.

I did not go to Europe to be "independent." Rather, I went so that when I returned, I could be a better wife to my future husband as I now know even more about myself and the world around me. I learned things that I could only learn myself. And because of that, I am okay with all of the money I spent over there (for the most part) because the lessons I learned were priceless :).

xoxo,

Leah Joy